after the rain the sun STILL SHINES

last night as i was driving home from hollywood, the weather forecast for me was simply said, rain and thunderstorms. i purged myself of mixed emotions towards mr.d that had accumulated over the years. i needed clarification in a lot of things plus the lingering feelings i had towards him and when i got it...the reality of it all killed me.

there was a lot of reminiscing of the good and bad times. a lot of laughter. a lot of catching up. we had a great time, but at the end of the day, i realized... that the past should simply be kept i the past.

i've always believed that there are solutions to all problems, whether it be one of friendships, relationships, or personal issues. i thought with enough time and effort, all problems could end with a hug and smile. i was considerably positive and optimistic. hence i had the habit of trying to help people with their issues... which many times backfired. but now i realize such thoughts were a bit naive and impractical.

there's a few things in my life that i need to free my emotions from. the pain inflicted by people from kcn, my friend j, my sis l, and last but not least mr. d. any irregularities in the way i think or do things, i used to blame it on these people. i told myself, "i can't trust church people because they're probably like j" or "i'm not going to spend time and energy on certain people because in the end it'll be kcn all over again". the pain and 원망 was greater, because i loved and respected these people more than anyone else. but i think it's about time to finally let go and change my ways. as a friend of mine said a few days ago, it's always easier to change oneself or blame oneself to better a situation than to have the other person to admit of his issues and try to help him resolve his problems.

so i guess all in all, what i want to remind myself are a jst few things:

1. keep the past in the past;

2. say goodbye to past friends and past hurts;

3. when a friend unloads, listen, take their side, and don't try to give advice unless it's asked for;

4. some things jst can't be resolved so don't sweat it.